Let’s keep it real, folks. The Miami Valley has some of the worst drivers in the world. All of us have a horror story about driving our vehicles in this region. You probably have one from driving today.
I actually care about you fine readers, so, I’m gonna help you all. Below is a quiz I created to assist you in choosing your options when you need to deal with a driving incident. I can’t tell you what options/answers to choose, but I can say…there’s really no wrong answer. This is a no judgement zone.
Unless you are a bad driver. Then, you’re automatically a jerk.
Behold. The quiz.…
1. You’re driving on I-75, and because the overstressed idiots around you think it’s the Indy 500, you may not be able to get off your planned exit. What do you do?
A. Make like “The Road Warrior”, and demolition derby your way to the exit.
B. Miss the exit, get off at the next exit, and then get back on the highway.
C. Just keep.driving to Atlanta, and start a new life in a town with better drivers.
2.You’re driving in Dayton, and you keep running over potholes, which can surely damage your vehicle. Because the potholes are pretty much EVERYWHERE in the area, there’s not much you can do to avoid them. What are your options?
A. Strap up, buckle up, and hope you aren’t drinking hot coffee, because your going to keep driving over those suckers.
B. Get your “Fast and The Furious” on and swerve around the holes, which means you’ll get to your destination a half hour later.
C. Curse out loud and then drive to Atlanta and start a new life.
3. You’re driving on I-35 , bound for Xenia, and you get into the Left Lane of Death. And, predictably, a hopped up on Monster energy drinks teenager appears out of nowhere, and rides your bumper criminally close. And now, he makes it nearly impossible to turn left to get to your job, because that’s why you got in the left lane in the first place. How do you handle this?
A. Give the guy the finger for the entirety of your trip.
B. Continue on your route, and hope the kid eventually backs off.
C. Pull over to the right lane, eventually get to I-75, and drive to Atlanta, and…you know.
4. You’re driving up Woodman Drive towards Kettering, and you come to the five lane intersection I like to call The Choke Point. It’s 5:30 pm, and the traffic there is an unholy mess. And, because it’s a mess, an accident happens right ahead of you. So now, traffic could be stuck for a loooong time.
And…you have to use the bathroom.
Your move is?
A. Yell in agony. And then look for a bottle.
B. Stay calm and try and meditate, so you can still your soul and your bladder.
C. Turn your car off, get out, and just start walking to Atlanta.
If you answered with all “A’s” for the quiz, I get it. I suggest a beer and a hug…but I get it. If you answered with all “B’s” , you are a true grownup, and I’m super jealous of you. And, if you answered with all “C’s”..
….let me know about Atlanta’s job market when you get there.
Just kidding.
