Top Ten Lessons I Learned The Hard Way

There Is No Learning Curve In Life

1. Don’t laugh when a woman asks you if you have ever thought about marrying them.
2. Don’t eat any food that the aforementioned woman might serve to you if in fact you did laugh.
3. Even though it is sometimes referred to as the “Muscle Of Love,” Ben-Gay should never be used on it.
4. Never assume that your friend turned off the correct breaker before you start working on the electric.
5. You will always hear the click of the lock at the exact moment you realize that your keys are still inside.
6. All fat people are not jolly.
7. Zippers are not forgiving…they play for keeps.
8. If an African-American man is using the urinal next to you, don’t say, “So! It’s not true what they say about you guys!” He will not find it amusing at all.
9. Don’t assume that a woman holding an iron skillet just wants to cook you something.
10. Never ask a random stranger on the street, “Hey! Do you know where I can cash a winning lottery ticket at?”