Active Living

With the Thanksgiving holiday rapidly approaching, I thought it wise to address a stubborn myth about health living, which is that one must be obnoxious about their food choices as guests in other people’s homes or during holidays. My advice? Eat well, but have some manners.

Don’t show up at grandma’s house with your own bag of food. Don’t skip the office holiday party because there’s going to be a lot of pie. Don’t make faces when the composition of the menu at dad’s house isn’t what you would like it to be. There’s a word for people who do these things. I think you all know what that word is.

I can’t imagine living a life in which I couldn’t have a piece of pecan pie with my dad while talking football at Thanksgiving. We’re human beings, not animals. Food isn’t just about feeding our bodies. Preparing a meal for others, or eating a meal as an invited guest, is an act of love and companionship. Your relationships with the ones you love are as important to your health as anything else you do, including the food you eat and the exercise you do. You work against both human nature and good manners when you adopt an air of condescension and restriction at the communal table.

What to do then, if you’re at a table without vegetables, or in a room full of delicious pies, or in the living room when your slightly buzzed uncle starts talking politics?

You do the best you can. Just like you should every day.

1. Load your plate up with vegetables first. This will serve as an automatic portion control mechanism.
2. No, or few vegetables? I’d err on the side of protein (like turkey) and limit the amount of starchy carbs (like mashed potatoes).
3. Put down your fork in between each bite. Pay attention to the conversation around you. Listen to the person with whom you’re speaking. Don’t anticipate what you’re going to say. Just listen. Be thankful for the time you’re allowed to spend with a loved one. (The science linking gratitude to health is increasingly strong and convincing).
4. Never, ever, drink with the intention of getting drunk. Not only will you end up acting a fool, but you’ll also probably eat a lot more. Yes, your ultra-lefty cousin is home from college and she’s telling you all about how you should be composting. And your super duper conservative childhood neighbor has some questionable views on diversity. But you’re a grownup, aren’t you? Drink like a gentleman. Consume wine like a grown woman. If you don’t like the conversation you’re in, politely excuse yourself and find a better one.
5. When it’s time for dessert, try to eat in a room without a television. Hopefully you’re in a home with good taste in coffee, so they’ve served you a fresh cup of Wood Burl from Press in the Oregon District. Sip your coffee, eat your pumpkin pie. Again, put your fork down in between each bite. Listen to the conversation. Taste the pie. Smell the coffee. Be aware. Be present.

You’re going to be reading a lot of “surviving the holidays” fitness articles in the coming weeks. Few of them will focus on the idea of acting like a dignified human being and practicing the art of conversation. But a healthy lifestyle is a holistic lifestyle in which you’re living, loving, cooking, moving, and feeling well. You don’t have to live like a monk. You don’t have to have the discipline of an Olympian. Ultimately, all you have to do is embrace your humanity, treat both the food and your company with respect, and always–always–eat as many vegetables as you can.

I’ve been thinking a lot about change lately because when you boil my job down to its essence that’s really what I’m supposed to help people do. They come to me because they want to feel better–physically and emotionally–and usually what they think they’re going to get by hiring a coach is a prescription. Eat this. Lift that. Don’t eat this. Don’t do that.

Instead I ask questions like:

“Why are you here?”

“What has your best experience with fitness been?”

“What do you value?”

I never get around to prescribing a diet of any sort. And rather than yelling or cajoling the way a celebrity trainer on The Biggest Loser might, I constantly remind them of their already demonstrated capacity for greatness.

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”

Am I just a big softy? No, not really. It’s just that I’ve learned a thing or two about change. Believe it or not, we know a lot about human behavior, what allows people to change, and how to develop sustainability. The name for my coaching approach is motivational interviewing, and the technique grew out of psychologists’ work with addiction. The most important aspects of motivational interviewing in the context of fitness are empathy from me and a client-centered approach that assumes varying levels of readiness to change.

How does this play out in practice? Someone who’s resistant to change might hate going to the gym. So in talking to that person about their goals, I might develop with them a weekly goal to put together their gym clothes the evening before a work day. And…

And that’s it. That’s the goal. Simply put your gym clothes in a place where you can see them. Prepare gym shoes, clothes, and bag as if you’re going to the gym on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Demonstrate to yourself that you can do this, experience victory, and create a habit around fitness.

Next week’s goals might be putting those clothes on.

And the week after that the goal might be getting to the gym.

If you’re counting at home, that took about three weeks to get the person who hates the gym to get into the gym. Slow? Yes. Deliberative? Sure. Effective?

Absolutely.

By demonstrating empathy with this person and recognizing their readiness to change, I didn’t front load their fitness with things that they cannot do. I met this person where she was and built success into her program.

I do versions of this deliberative process with clients every week. For some people we work together to develop a goal around reading about fitness. For others we make a goal about grocery shopping. The goals vary from person to person–which is why prescriptions in fitness aren’t often the best way to coach change. The cool thing about this process is that you can do the very same thing for yourself!

Change can feel like an uphill climb.

Think about a change you’ve been wanting to make. Maybe you’re eating too much fast food. But if you say to yourself, “stop eating fast food,” you’ve set yourself up for failure.

Instead, think about why you eat fast food when you do, and develop an incremental strategy for eliminating it from your diet. Hint: Usually one of the first steps toward eliminating fast food from one’s diet is learning how to shop at the grocery store. With that in mind, maybe your goal for the week might be to think about your schedule for the week and to make a grocery list. That’s step one. Step two for next week might be to make a grocery list and actually go to the grocery store. Step three might be list, grocery shopping, and trying ONE new recipe. The key is you can’t judge yourself (“why can’t I just stop eating fast food?”) and you have to acknowledge your own reticence to change. Change is hard, remember? So acknowledge that.

Not everyone can afford to hire a coach, but everyone can learn to practice more empathy and to troubleshoot their least healthy behaviors. There’s no need to wait until New Year’s resolution season.